PASSING GAS TARGET IN FIGHT AGAINST GLOBAL WARMING

    I have been warning for years that the Gore-Bull warming cultists will stop at nothing to force those of us who refuse to convert to their cult religion to participate in their sacraments even if we refuse to "believe". Well get a load of this article:

By: Pluto Krat

Associated Press

Updated: 5:54 p.m. ET February 9, 2015

    Edward Parker, a spokesperson for The United Nations Inter-governmental Panel On Climate Change, announced today that next month’s scheduled release of recommendations for action to address the problem of anthropgenic  global warming will include an advanced technology method for dealing with methane gas emissions by the world's populace. Mr. Parker stated that, "Second only to carbon dioxide emissions, the panel has always been alarmed over man’s emissions of methane gas as a contributor to green-house gases that are the catalyst for global warming." He also said that the panel is certain that flatulence produced by the worlds populace is responsible for over 20 billion tons of earth-heating methane gas introduced into the atmosphere every year. He reported that the consensus among the panel’s advisory scientists is that these emissions, after carbon dioxide, are a leading cause of global warming."

    Thanks to Al Gore’s efforts to offset his carbon footprint, one that is reportedly twenty times greater than the average American’s, almost everyone has heard of the rich purchasing carbon credits as one way of combating carbon dioxide emissions. Until today’s announcement, no one was aware of what would be the panel’s primary recommendation for combating the common man's or woman's methane gas emissions. "Next month’s list of panel recommendations will include the mandatory use of the newly designed Flatulence Accumulation & Retention Tanks, F.A.R.Ts. for short," Mr. Parker said, while unveiling an illustration of the device for reporters in attendance.

He explained that the F.A.R.Ts device is cutting edge technology designed by a San Francisco based, gay-owned engineering firm, in the congressional district of Representative Nancy Pelosi. Parker further explained that F.A.R.Ts is a sphincter-retained mechanism, with a body-heat-powered micro-compressor that automatically channels and compresses into buttocks-conforming, storage tanks, the dangerous flatulence that the wearer would otherwise spew directly into the atmosphere. According to Mr. Parker, even though the dual storage tanks used in the F.A.R.Ts device are, by necessity, small, they have a large storage capacity--up to one month's worth of emissions-- thanks to the advanced technology micro compressor and the high pressure capability of the storage tanks. 

    Mr. Parker asserted that users of the device will be required to empty their F.A.R.Ts into local collection centers were the gas would then be piped to power plants to generate environmentally-friendly electricity. "Furthermore, said Mr. Parker, "since the panel will recommend that the use of F.A.R.Ts be mandatory for the entire world’s populace, each F.A.R.Ts device would also contain a micro transmitter chip that would allow authorities to remotely monitor the wearer's compliance."

    Mr. Parker then explained that The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change will recommend that a special tax be imposed on the consumption of foods notorious for producing intestinal methane. As examples, he mentioned high-fiber foods such as cabbage, beans and oatmeal and low fiber foods such as hard-boiled eggs. This proposed tax would only effect the citizens of developed countries, particularly the United States. The tax revenues would be used by the U.N. to provide a F.A.R.Ts for citizens in poorer developing countries. Mr. Parker stated that the tax would also be used to finance the building of the collection center infrastructure necessary for collecting F.A.R.Ts stored methane as well as the new methane burning power plants necessary for converting the gas to electricity.

   Mr. Parker further explained that the panel hopes the mandatory use of F.A.R.Ts will become part of a revised Kyoto Protocol with the year 2015 as a target year for full implementation.

   Meanwhile, during a White House press conference schedule to promote the U.N's F.A.R.T.s recommendation, President Obama, with Michelle Obama by his side, admitted that he and his entire family have been using prototypes of F.A.R.Ts for over a year now, as part of the U.N.’s test program. He boasted with his characteristic humility, that, "Michelle and I  are proud to have these in us as a part of our personal efforts to set an example for the rest of America." Whereupon, he and Michelle demonstrated for the on looking reporters, how easy it was to remove their respective F.A.R.T.s and empty them into a prototype collection device. Then, to the applause of reporters in attendence and after a liberal application of Vaseline to the units, Obama then reinserted Michelle's unit and she reciprocated by reinserting his.